Boardsport Celluloid part one
A collection of feature films that give a nod to surf, skate and snow culture, with varying levels of success.
More like this...
Feature films and surf, skate and snow culture have always been awkward bedfellows. Even with the most noble of intentions, when a filmmaker and a bunch of actors have tried to capture the spirit and soul of so-called 'boardsports' on celluloid, the end result is usually a hash of clichés and faux pas accompanied with an unhealthy helping of fromage.
But what the hell, in honour of some of these unholy unions, we are putting together a collection of the good, the bad and the ugly that you may just want to check out for yourself...
Gleaming The Cube (1989)
'Gleaming the cube' is a phrase that’s not once been uttered in earnest by anyone who’s ridden a skateboard, but apparently it means 'great skating'. The famous and respected skateboarding pioneer Christian Slater is the cube gleamer in question, who skates his way round town trying to solve the mystery of his adopted brother’s murder.
The plot is a low-grade Columbo meets Murder She Wrote, but at least the producers had enough sense to get some real skaters in to make up Slater’s friends. They’re big names too: Natas, Mike McGill, Gator, Tony Hawk, Mike Vallely and even Rodney Mullen. The highlight of the film is a scene in which Rodney bodydoubles Slater, skating off his rage on a building site and showcasing his freestyle skills.
Despite its best efforts to show some real skateboarding, it still falls into the same trap of equating skateboarding with a phase of clichéd teen rebellion - a pathetically naive and patronising understanding that would unfortunately continue for years to come. JW
MVP 2: Most Vertical Primate (2001)
Some 10 years ago in an office in Hollywood, a movie went into the production on the basis of a single sentence: 'a monkey rides a skateboard.' Children’s appetite for monkey-related antics has never been in doubt and was highlighted to Hollywood executives with the film’s predecessor Most Valuable Primate - also known as 'monkey plays ice hockey.'
There really is nothing to this film but a lot of simple platitudes about friendship and following your dreams; occasionally on a skateboard. But audiences have paid their money to see a monkey ride a skateboard and dammit, that’s what they’re going to get! So they strap the poor creature to a deck and push him along. If you squint a bit, you can almost believe that CGI is faking the whole thing.
An 11-year-old Ryan Sheckler shows up along the way to demonstrate some real skating, but he only gets 30 seconds of ramp time and we’re back to the chimp. Hurrah! JW
Blue Crush (2002)
There's lots of beautiful waves and even more beautiful bodies in this teen surf romance movie set in the Pacific paradise of Maui, Hawaii. Surfer chick Anne Marie just lives for the waves, until she meets the quarterback of her dreams, blah, blah, blah.
But what could easily be written off as a dude's fantasy about women's surfing is saved by some gnarly tube rides and guest cameos from big wave chargers like Layne Beachley, Rochelle Ballard and Megan Abubo.
And if you were worried about women being portrayed as weak and vulnerable there's Hollywood's favourite macho-girl Michelle Rodriguez to emasculate even the most confident slider. She is a nicely-proportioned tank that could eat most of the male characters in this film for breakfast and gives one hell of a motivational speech: "You are not a quitter, you're just scared!" SLJ
Snow Job (2003)
The allusion to oral sex is no mere coincidence for this American Pie-on-snow epic. You can almost hear the producers guffawing at the genius of it. But the title was so damn rude that it had to be toned down to Winter Break in some more conservative parts.
Having graduated from university, Matt plans to spend the next year in Aspen working a low paid job, getting drunk and contracting sexually transmitted diseases with three of his buddies. But, shock horror, he only goes and falls in love, doesn’t he? The muppet!
But Snow Job takes it's responsibility to seasonaire authenticity very seriously. For example, Matt's crazy snowboarder buddy who smokes weed, wears goggles indoors and pretends to die in accidents. Radical dude! Matt, however, shuns these bad influences and turns to the shittest James Bond ever George Lazenby for love advice before settling down and getting a proper job behind a desk.
Phew! He nearly turned into a bum right there. EA
Subscribe to HUCK for six issues
Only £20 (UK) / £43 (EU) / £58 (Rest of the World).
Boardsport Celluloid part one (text) by Ed Andrews, Shelley Lee Jones and Jon Williams is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License.
Comments (1)
Please note: Your comment may be held in moderation for approval by an administrator to prevent spamming. This usually doesn't take long, please be patient.