Screw SUP take two
Miles Masterson responds to his critics and adds more fuel to the stand-up paddle boarding controversy sparked by an opinion piece he wrote back in November 2008.
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One day early last year I looked at an advert for a brand of SUP in some South African jock mag. I think it was Men’s Health or something. And before I knew it my mind was racing and my fingers typing in an inspired flurry over my Mac Powerbook keyboard and the pseudo-apocalyptic, tongue-in-cheek What if? article ‘Screw Stand Up Paddle Boarding’ had manifested itself.
After a few polishes, the version posted on here was submitted to a number of magazines I write for and a whole bunch I don’t. Not one of them accepted it. This could have been because, as some of the detractors who eventually responded to it as a blog said, it was badly written. A piece of ‘poor journalism (that) stinks’ (thanks Todd).
Though I confess that in my darkest hours of self-loathing I often think that I totally suck at writing, a recall of my CV of 18 years of various editorship roles, contributions to books (as well as my own upcoming book), articles in magazines and websites around the world, pulls me back from the brink. Not to mention the non-surf/skate related work I do that actually pays the bills.
Whilst I’m at it, I’d also like to establish my surfing credentials as these were called into question by some individuals who reacted to my blog and insinuated and/or straight up called me a kook. Though I have a UK passport, I’m not a pommy pratt (with an ego problem to boot, thanks Albert), but live in Cape Town, South Africa, where I have been surfing for nearly 30 years, and as a shortboarder have made numerous state teams, made some finals and won a few SA pro and amateur events. I also once came 9th in a WQS event and finished 18th on the SA domestic pro circuit in 2007 (not too bad for a 36-year-old kook).
I not only learned how to surf on a longboard and still own and use one (as well as 5’6” quad fin fish), I have bodyboarded, kneeboarded, goatboated, layboarded, snowboarded and wakeboarded and wakeskated in my time (getting right into the latter actually). I’ve also been skateboarding for as long as I’ve been surfing and still don’t mind a pool, mini ramp or downhill session when I get the urge.
I’ve also been a local at the same beach for 25 years (a beach where it took me five years, from the ages of 12 to 17 to get a set wave, back in the ’80s when locals were well hardcore). At the risk of sounding like I’m boasting, I’m not trying to. You decide whether you think I’m mouthing off, but everything above is true (is it relevant I’ve surfed in nearly 20 countries too?).
I guess I’m just trying to make it look like I know what I’m talking about (although as I said above, sometimes I’m not so sure!) and have paid my dues as a surfer (including a couple of beatings by waves that have put me in hospital). At my age, I have much respect for others, perhaps more than most, and always wait my turn. Even for bodyboarders - although it wasn’t always so, and I admit I still burn them with no regrets if they snake me, which they so often seem to do.
Anyway, I digress, badly. One magazine in South Africa did get back to me about the ‘Screw SUP’ story and said that though they liked it, it might prove a bit too radical and placed it on the ‘maybe’ list. They were looking at getting an SUP convert to read it and write a counterpoint and run both stories, but that never came to be and I kind of forgot about it and got on with other work.
The whole point of my blog is the very cost of SUP which prevents the average guy from actually doing it.
Then towards the end of last year Vince got hold of me and told me HUCK were looking for blogs for their site and asked me to submit something. I was pretty busy at the time so I dug into my vast dusty archive of rejections and forgotten, half-written articles and found ‘Screw SUP’. I posted it and promptly forgot about it.... until the first couple responses came in via automatic email.
The first responses were innocuous enough and mostly seemed to agree with my opinions. I still had no idea how contentious some people would find them, and that my blog and subsequent comments would be torn to shreds by those who added their two cents - never mind bloggers elsewhere - and would eventually be the subject of vigorous debates on SUP websites the world over!
Things started to turn sour when a guy called Nate reckoned that I was ignorant and that I couldn’t comment about SUP unless I had done it. Maybe he had a point, but the whole point of my blog is the very cost of SUP, which prevents the average guy from actually doing it, at least in SA, thus making it the preserve of rich kids and jock yuppies with no clue.
But never mind that, I have friends and acquaintances who have SUPed and told me how hard it is to get wired, so no argument there.
Plus, as I said in a response, my home break is a heaving, barrelling beachbreak, hardly the place to learn how to SUP, but again a minor point. Another thing said by Nate was that he reckoned I was saying that everyone should shortboard and screw everyone else. No. What I was saying is that it is the dorks among all kinds of boardriders that are the problem with crowds in the water. Maybe I didn’t make it clear enough and my sarcasm wasn’t obvious enough for some, that I also think many shortboarders are a hazard or very selfish, probably more so than anyone else, especially at the breaks I surf the most. But that wasn’t the point of the article, was it?
While I’m at it, let me make this much clear: Of course anyone who minds their manners should be welcome at my home break or anywhere else, no matter what they ride (although as I said before, the sad fact of it is that power corrupts and those with extra paddle strength often end up abusing it).
But let’s move to Steve and his fairly emotional reaction to my comments about Turncoat Surfers, which led to Brett’s comment about all the top pros who paddleboard and him asking me if I am going to hate on them too. Well, no. Of course I respect them all (Egan, Machado, et al), if only for their shortboarding skills. Good for them and all their kind if they want to SUP. I don’t care.
And as for Steve’s comment about me “fuelling the fires” of hatred toward SUP, I think HUCK readers are a bit more discerning than that. I don’t hate SUP and don’t know anyone who does (at worst people think it is very lame). Plus, to date only one person has tried to SUP at my home beach and he’s that charging local I mentioned in the first story and no one abused him, so maybe my prophecies, thankfully, aren’t going to come true! Plus, he just sold it to get to Hawaii.
In the end, I don’t want this sequel to come across like I’m regretting what I wrote initially (as more or less a joke, truth be told). I do apologise if I offended the sensitive among those dedicated, educated, benevolent SUPers out there (especially those competent in other surfing disciplines), but I still stand by every word. I just felt it necessary to react to some of the harsher postings that followed it and, also maybe yes, justify it a bit further for the haters (some really bad ones, like the aggressive Ivan who dissed my grandmother, bear no further mention).
To recap, there were two points I was trying to make: One: without proper guidelines or controls, or something (I dunno what), SUP’s could become a major issue in the world’s already crowded line ups, if the clueless trend-riding yuppie ironmen take over. Two: they are really expensive and no matter how much I would like to SUP, especially on flat days (a sheltered beach nearby where I live is perfect for it), I simply can’t afford one (despite what SandyVagina said about wanting it enough - the credit crunch not reached you yet SV?).
You know, I’d also really like to kiteboard (I’ve been for lessons and everything), but I can’t afford one of those rigs either. And what’s more, as kiters are becoming a very real problem for surfers in Cape Town at certain spots such as Elands Bay and Big Bay among others, maybe I’ll write a new blog entitled ‘Screw Kiteboarders’ next? That might be fun? Or I might write another called ‘Screw Shortboarders’ that might be even the most fun and then everyone can hate on me unreservedly.
Watch this space. Or don’t, after all it’s just a useless bloody blog.
“Opinions are like arseholes, everybody’s got one.” - Anon.
Big up to those that enjoyed the original piece. Peace.
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Screw SUP take two (text) by Miles Masterson is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License.Comments (16)
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That said, I'd actually quite like to give an SUP a go. Just to see what it's like. But on a quiet day. Small waves. Minimum opportunity for embarrassment.
Completely agree with Jon's statement. The same holds true for the countless internet local surfing newsgroups. It's much too easy to brandish cyberspace muscles, but most of those individuals probably don't get so aggro in the lineup.
Kudos! Keep up the good writing.
I bought a SUP a couple of summers ago. First generation epoxy oiltanker like monstrosity. It's an absolute pig. But, because I live these days in Somerset, equidistant to five different surfing coastlines but each at least a ninety minute drive away and I have a family of five to feed, I don't get to surf as much as I need or desire. So, I paddle my SUP on the river Avon and the canals in Somerset all through the year for training, when I don't have time to get to the coast or the conditions aren't right. It's great for core strength and stability and it is beautiful to get out on the river. Beats the gym in every way imaginable. It also has got my six year old son into surfing. He can stand on it and catch little shorebreakers without the fear of the cold and he feels like a surfer catching a six inch wave standing up. It also has allowed me to ride the Severn Bore for over a mile, (a truly mystical experience), and I'm hoping to do that again in ten days time. Thing is, I can't see the point in it when the waves are good. All that volume with a six foot paddle seems ridiculous to me. I have been out on it when it's clean and three foot, but I swiftly swapped it for pintailed nosedrider. Thing is, if SUPs allow older people, younger people, lundlubbers and gym fairies to get into the groove of the ocean and the river, then they are something to be celebrated.
Hope you're well mate. been a long time.
MikeF
Just givin you hell based on your post. I do agree that the SUP is expensive but how many of your surfing buddies also are into cycling? A decent bike (road or mountain) costs way more than a SUP and the same goes for snowboard/ski. I actually was lucky to get a free board for an article I'm working on here in Canada. I'll be doing a traditional Canadian back country trip but using a SUP instead of a canoe. I
imagine that SUP is experiencing the same growing pains that snowboarding did a while ago. However, I'm with MikeF's comments. If the waves are good then I'll either ride my quad fish or my log. And being an east coast surfer there will be plenty of flat summer days to go explore the coastline on the SUP. Cheers and sorry to heckle. If you get a chance, check out phoresia.org for some writing about sustainable/simple surf culture. we're a non-profit web-based resource focused on interviewing surf industry/culture folks who are focused on the essence of surfing.
I don't play tennis with a nine iron.
There's a lot of water out there go paddle somewhere else.
ALOHA BROHAM!
But have some respect for others who want to use the water in another way i.e. surfing. It's like taking a motorbike on a cycle track..
I'm in Cape Town too and fully agree these SUP boards costs a shed load and that they will crowd breaks more.
BUT I have surfed, windsurfed and kitesurfed for over 10 years in Cape Town and are of the opinion that shortboard surfers need to get over themselves, get a job, get some better propulsion and stop clogging up the waves and backline, and start catching more waves.
Shortboarders are not top of the castle, you don't have right of way, and you don't own the rights to the surf, yet you all sit there freezing your asses off catching a few waves an hour and cursing kiters, sailers, SUPers, longboarders, goat boaters, who are having a whale of a time and not clogging the whole backline and break.
For a few waves an hour, a couple of 'local' surfers clog an entire beach where 20 windsurfers or SUP'ers would be canning it.
One thing I really don't understand is surfers out in over 25knots at Blouberg etc. They not catching waves, they not having fun. The just look like 'rabbits in the headlights', when you bear down on them on a windsurfer or kiteboard.
Don't be a rabbit dude, get some man-size propulsion. If you can afford a Macbook Pro, you can afford second hand kiting kit.
./b
You, my friend, are very clearly the kind of person we as surfers don't want in the water. "Get some man sized propulsion". Hahahahahaha. Did that really just happen in real life? Let me guess, you drive a big German 4x4 that's never been off-road and cost a bar because it gives you "man-sized propulsion'?
Shortboarders aren't top of the castle, no-one is, but we are entitled to wait our turn in a crowded line-up just like everyone else but as soon as there're are SUPers and kite clowns thrown into the mix it always always always becomes a dog show. Always. You jocks don't understand the unwritten rules and have no idea of the etiquette that's required when enjoying the ocean with others. Go back to the 80's mate. I'm gonna stick to being a "rabbit in the headlights" and sharing waves with the people around me.
Okay, the man-sized propulsion was a silly comment, BUT, I am not a jock, I don't drive a 4x4 and yes I have moved on from the 80's when I used to shortboard.
Keeping on sharing Peaceful Brother type...