Ed Andrews: Stop teasing me
It's nearly the season of snowboarding movie premieres, get ready to be taunted.
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I'm being picked on. It's not for the first time either. This wave of teasing happens every year, and each year the taunting seems to start earlier and earlier. This morning, it was snowboarding company Capita who decided to stick the knife in and start teasing me about their new full length team movie, Defenders of Awesome.
Neeeeer neeeeer,” they (sort of) said in their mailout punctuated by tongue-sticking-out emoticons. “We've got a snowboarding movie and we are not going to show you it yet, but here is a small little clip that we may or may not have included it. Neeeeer, neeeeeeeeer!”
As much as I didn't want to respond to their baiting, I couldn't resist it. I clicked through to watch a mammoth 14 seconds of Scott Stevens doing some cool jibs and falling over, and then a cruel message appeared telling me that I've got to wait until September to watch the whole thing. September?! It's not fair! Why must they do this to me?! What's worse is that they are going to do this every week! The bastards!
The only comfort I can take from this is that I'm sure I'm not alone in this callous victimisation. I'm just one of a massive crowd of people whom they are taunting with their golden audio-visual shred nuggets.
Capita aren't the only ones doing this. It seems that every single surf, skate or snow crew to have ever chopped together footage on Final Cut Pro is now insisting on a slow drip-drip of out-of-context rough cuts and bloopers before revealing what they've actually cobbled together. I totally understand that it's a marketing tool to keep the logos of the brands that support these ventures constantly on websites, blogs, Facebook and Twitter feeds, but I can't help but feel that they are slowly ruining these movies.
It's just that by the time you actually get round to seeing the film (if still have any interest left by then!), you've already seen every trick, every alternative angle and every smart-arsed comment and bro-hug from the entire season. Where's the big reveal?
Don't get me wrong, I love watching snowboarding films. They are a great thing and nothing gets me more excited about actually going riding than a simple edit with a banging soundtrack and tricks aplenty. I also don't mind watching a trailer either, a little piquant to whet your appetite. But that's enough.
Think of it this way: would you rather eat a giant roast dinner, all cooked to perfection and presented in one glorious banquet with flagons of ale and much merriment; or skulk in the kitchen by the bins, gnawing on the raw meat, crunching on the uncooked vegetables and glugging down yeasty water?
So my advice – if you feel like taking it – is don't respond to the baiting. Ignore the teasing teasers and just wait until the finished film drops. I bet you'll enjoy it a whole lot more.
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Stop teasing me (text) by Ed Andrews is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License.
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